Diary Of Jane
by yukikoneko1990
Summary: There are new marriage laws in the Wizarding World. Harry is forced to marry and even though he secretly loves the man he's supposed to marry, he is locked in a void of fear and confusion. Will his future husband be able to help him? SLASH, AU, OOC


**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters of Harry Potter. The song that inspired and is featuring in this story is 'Diary of Jane' by Breaking Benjamin on the request of sihaja91. I claim no rights to the song.

**Warnings**: slash, marriage laws, vocabulary, OOC

* * *

"You have to understand, Lord Potter-…"

"Don't you dare tell me I have to understand ANYTHING!" Harry roared and minister Fudge whimpered. He knew he couldn't count on the help of the Aurors that came with him. They either supported Harry Potter because of everything he did for the Wizarding world, or they feared him enough to stop them from acting against him.

"The laws are clear, Lord Potter." Fudge said, hoping that the respect he was showing to the younger man would ease his anger; suffice to say it wasn't working.

"I don't BLOODY care about your BLOODY LAWS! I will NEVER marry Draco Malfoy!" Two lamps on either side of the couch exploded, and the windows rattled.

Ron and Hermione, who were sitting on the couch didn't even wince. They only gazed at Harry with understanding. They were the lucky ones. Hermione, as a Muggle-born Witch was forced by the new laws to marry a pure blood. They were lucky because they got engaged a month before the law was brought up.

Harry was the unlucky one. Even though he was possibly the most powerful man in the Wizarding World he was forced to marry a Pure Blood so that his riches and power stayed in the Wizarding world. Otherwise his riches would be confiscated and his magic bound.

"Lord Potter, please, be reasonable!"

"I gave you _everything_, Fudge!" Harry pressed out through his teeth, and the Aurors took a step back when Harry's eyes flashed for a second, while Fudge almost lost control over his bladder. "Mark my words. You are walking on _very_ thin ice with me." Fudge swallowed over a lump.

"Lord Malfoy will come to see you sometime tomorrow. I wish you a good day." He said and without another word ran away.

Harry swallowed difficultly and nodded at the two Aurors. They saluted Harry, turned on their heels and left.

The moment they were gone Hermione and Ron stood up, but the stopped in their tracks when Harry turned on his heel summoned a vase in his hand only to fling it into the wall on the other side of the room with a pain filled cry.

"Harry, you have to calm down!" Hermione tried to reason with Harry, but the young man was pacing the room like a caged tiger, his magic pulsating around him and his hands fisted by his sides.

"I can't get around that damned law!" Harry cried out.

"Mate, you have to make the best of this." Ron said and Hermione nodded in agreement. "You and I both know that Malfoy changed for the better; you know that better than me." Harry growled although it sounded more like a whimper.

"I can't marry him, Ron." Harry rasped out and weakly took a seat in his work-chair. He leaned his elbows on his knees and hid his face in his hands. "I just can't marry him." Hermione sighed and walked over to kneel in front of Harry.

"You worked with him just fine during the war, Harry." She whispered and he raised his head to look at her.

"I won't be able to hide my feelings for him, Hermione." Harry's voice broke and his eyes filled with tears. "He doesn't love me. How can I live with him when I know that? How can I face him when I-…"

"Oh, Harry." Hermione breathed out, pulled Harry onto the floor and into a hug. She looked up at Ron, and he shook his head sadly. Hermione buried her face in Harry's hair and hugged him tightly.

"Haven't I given enough? Can't I just have peace for once?" he whispered brokenly. Ron walked over to them, took a seat on the floor behind Harry and pulled the both of them into a hug.

"He'll come over tomorrow and you will talk." Hermione whispered. "You have to be strong, Ry. You just have to be strong." Harry sighed and hugged her back tightly.

"I don't know, Mione. I don't know for how long I'll be able to be strong."

* * *

_**If I have to, I will put myself right beside you.  
So let me ask – would you like that?  
Would you like that?**_

* * *

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Dray." Blaise murmured as he took a seat in Draco's chair in his office with a glass of gin in his hand. Draco was leaning on the mantle-piece of the fireplace, gazing into the fire with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"On the contrary, Blaise." He said and took a sip. "I do believe this is a great idea." The light of the fire was reflecting in his mercury orbs, his platinum blond hair falling into his face. "He will be mine." He muttered into his chin and drank his drink in one go.

"What about him?" Blaise asked. "What about his feelings about this?" Draco snorted and looked at his best friend over his shoulder.

"What is this, Blaise? Are you telling me that all of a sudden you _care_ about the Boy-Who-Lived?"

"He saved my life, Draco." Blaise said lowly. "He risked everything to get me and Pansy to safety. I owe him a life debt, and you know how Slytherins are about life-debts." Draco snorted and pushed away from the fireplace.

"I want him, Blaise." He walked over to the closest armchair and took a seat. He looked at the fire, rested his right elbow on the armrest and covered his lips with his right fist. "You have no idea how much I want him." Blaise frowned and looked closely at his best friend. Draco's whole body was vibrating with expectation and want.

"Do you love him?" Blaise asked. "Because I know for a fact that he cares little for wants and needs. Also, I know that he is in love with someone. I haven't heard the whole conversation, but I _did_ hear him say that he loved someone to Granger and Weasley." Draco frowned.

"I will do anything to have him, Blaise. You know me; what I want I get, no matter the price. I will find my place beside him."

"I'll ask you one more time, Draco." Blaise stressed out and Draco looked at him with a frown. "Do. You. Love him." Draco looked at his empty glass.

* * *

_**And I don't mind  
if you say this love is the last time.  
So now I'll ask – do you like that?**_

* * *

"No. Yes. Maybe." He muttered. "All I know is that I've obsessed over him from our first year at Hogwarts, and I will do so no more. His place is here with me, and that is where he will be."

"Merlin, Dray. You're up to your neck in this." Draco snorted and went back to gazing into the fire.

"I know, Blaise. I know."

* * *

_**Something's getting in the way.  
Something's just about to break.  
I will try to find my place  
in the Diary of Jane.  
So tell me how it should be?**_

* * *

Harry looked at his reflection in the window for the hundredth time. A tight black turtleneck and black pants, complimented by black dress shoes and a waist coat were all he had that seemed both casual and formal without being restricting. His mid-back long hair was braided in a thick braid, hanging over his right shoulder with his bangs falling into his face, accenting his eyes, no longer obscured by glasses, since Hermione gifted him with a corrective potion last summer for his birthday.

He sighed and played with the end of his braid; a nervous habit he picked up once his hair was long enough to braid. He jumped in his place when Dobby popped into the room.

"Lord Malfoy is here, Harry-Potter-Sir." He said and Harry nodded and swallowed over a lump in his throat.

"Bring him in here, Dobby." He rasped out and took a deep breath. His emotions were all over the place. He didn't know what he would do.

Yes, he loved Draco Malfoy. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard on him if he didn't. At least then he would know how everything would be. This way, knowing his love for Draco was one-sided, he knew his future looked grim. He sighed and gripped the bridge of his nose.

"I don't know how much more I can take." He whispered.

* * *

"Lord Malfoy, sir." Harry jumped around when Dobby's voice reached him and his breath caught in his throat.

At the entrance to his office stood the very cause of all his problems at the moment.

Draco Malfoy looked like a true Lord. He was dressed in a white button up shirt, with the top two buttons unbuttoned and black dress pants, his overcoat hanging over his arm. His hair fell lightly to his ears, making him look casual, although his stance was everything but.

"Lord Malfoy." Harry said and bowed his head lightly using everything he knew about Occlumency to seal his feelings shut. "Welcome."

* * *

Draco shifted in his place waiting for Dobby the house-elf to come for him. Even though no one would guess, he was nervous about this meeting. Even though he worked with Harry just fine during the wars he didn't know how to handle this situation.

All he knew was that he wanted the raven haired Gryffindor, and he knew it wasn't just a passing infatuation or a sick obsession. There was something about the Hero that called out to him. Something that made him want to keep him safe, keep everything and everyone that wanted to hurt the smaller man away from him.

He knew; a part of him knew that his place was beside Harry and he would be damned if he allowed someone else to take that place; no matter the consequences.

"Lord Malfoy. Follow me." He looked at the house-elf and nodded after he swallowed over a lump in his throat.

"Show me the way." He said and followed after the frowning elf. They were soon in front of an open door and when he stepped in Draco's breath hitched in his throat.

Even though his back was turned on Draco, the Slytherin could say that Harry's been under a lot of stress lately.

Harry was still in very good shape, his muscled form outlined by the black clothes, but Draco noted the Gryffindor lost some weight and that his shoulders were hunched under a load of worries.

"Lord Malfoy, sir." Dobby spoke and Harry jumped around making Draco tense. In a second the emotions Draco caught in Harry's eyes vanished behind a shield of indifference, but Harry's body spoke a different story. He was nervous; very nervous.

Draco's fingers twitched from the need to take Harry into his arms and make sure no one ever touched the Gryffindor again.

"Lord Malfoy." Harry's voice was barely above a whisper. "Welcome." Draco nodded and noted the way Harry fisted his hands. Draco remembered Blaise saying something about Harry being in love with someone.

'Doesn't matter.' Draco thought. 'His place is beside me, and I will do everything to make sure he becomes mine.'

* * *

_**Try to find out what makes you tick  
as I lie down sore and sick;  
do you like that?  
Do you like that?**_

* * *

"Lord Potter." Draco said and entered further into the room noting how Harry had to stop himself from taking a step back. "I hope you are well." Harry nodded his head shortly.

"As well as I can be." He said. "Please, take a seat. Dobby, please bring us some tea."

"There is no need, thank you." Draco said and Harry nodded his head, rubbing his hands against his hips in a nervous gesture.

The elf shot Draco a glare before he disappeared with a pop and Draco walked over to take a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace, noting the fire wasn't burning.

Now that he took notice, it was quite cold in the room.

"How have you been?" Harry asked taking a seat in the armchair in front of Draco. He folded his hands in his lap, his back straight as a board.

"I've been well. I've had a hard time clearing the name of my family, but I dare say I'm on a good path." Harry nodded.

"I hope that I managed to help you at least some by serving as your witness in court." Harry's voice was tight and his lips were pulled in a thin line. Draco frowned when he saw how shadowed Harry's eyes were. Was the Gryffindor sick?

"You did more than I've ever hoped, Harry." Draco frowned further when Harry winced at Draco calling him by his given name. "You don't need to be so tense. I'm not here to hurt you." Draco tried to reassure the raven haired man, but the way Harry tensed up told him he wasn't succeeding.

"You-you've changed." Harry's voice broke, and Draco smiled slightly. Harry's eyes darkened slightly and Draco felt like a cold hand gripped his heart.

"You too, Harry, although I can't say you changed for the better." He said honestly and Harry frowned. "You've lost a lot of weight." Harry bowed his head slightly.

"I-I've been under a lot of stress lately. Hermione's been trying to make me eat more, but I just-…"

"You don't have to apologize to me, Harry." Draco said and Harry bowed his head lower, his hands shivering in his lap. Draco suddenly felt a great need to go over to him, but something stopped him.

He thought he could ignore Blaise' words, but they came back with a vengeance.

_'…I know that he is in love with someone. I haven't heard the whole conversation, but I did hear him say that he loved someone to Granger and Weasley…'_

Draco shook his head, forgetting his best friend's words.

"You should calm down, Harry-…"

"Stop that." Harry whispered and Draco started.

"Harry-…"

"Stop addressing me so!" Harry snapped. Draco frowned.

"That's your name. I do believe that since we're going to be married soon we should throw away the formalities." He said and Harry's head snapped up and Draco felt like someone physically hit him when he looked in Harry's emotion filled eyes.

"How are we going to make this work, Draco? How do you believe this will look?" Harry spoke. "We were always rivals! We don't even know each other!" Draco frowned.

"I do want to get to know you, Harry. I know I want our marriage to be a real one, not only on paper."

"And how do you plan to make it work? For a marriage to work there has to be something more than acknowledgment among partners-"

"Who says I only acknowledge you?" Draco asked and Harry snorted ironically.

"You acknowledge Harry Potter." He sneered, and despite the situation Draco couldn't help but think that it suited Harry in a way which only proved Draco's belief that Harry wasn't purely Gryffindor. "You don't know me."

"I want to get to know you, Harry." Draco said lowly and Harry winced. "I want to know you; not the image, not the illusion; you."

"Right." Harry rasped out and stood up slowly. He walked over to the window and crossed his arms over his chest. Draco sighed and stood up as well.

"Harry, I know we've been rivals ever since we met. I already admitted that I was a spoilt brat at that time. I was too proud and thought too highly of my idiot father to see further than my own nose. You said yourself that I've changed. Why do you think our marriage wouldn't work?" Harry's shoulders tensed up and he took a deep, wavering breath.

"You said it yourself, Draco." Harry spoke up without turning around to look at the Malfoy heir. But Draco could see him. He could see him in the reflection of the window. He could see his pale skin and tightly shut eyes. "You only ever hated me. You belittled me and my friends every chance you got. You shunned us and antagonized us whenever you found the time. So – so how can you be so _calm_ about this?" His voice broke and he wrapped his arms around his waist tightly. Draco frowned and took a small step forward when Harry bowed his head and his body started shivering. Draco was about to say something, but Harry spoke up again. "How can you look so - so _calm_ and _collected_! You don't even care about me!"

* * *

_**There's a fine line  
Between love and hate.  
And I don't mind;  
just let me say that I like that.  
**__**I like that!**_

* * *

"Because even though I know nothing about love I know that we can make this work. For both of our sakes."

"Why?" Harry snapped and turned around to look at Draco. "We have _nothing_ in common! You _hate_ me!"

"Because you're the only one beside Blaise and Pansy that stood by me." Draco snapped. "Because you never looked at me like I wasn't worth a thought. Because you showed me that even though my father was a disgraceful monster I didn't need to be one as well." Harry winced and pulled into himself.

"I-…"

"You deserve someone who can take care of you, Harry. You did so much for me; for _everyone_. You deserve someone who can give everything to you." Harry winced and took a small step back.

"And you think _you_ can give me that?" Harry's voice wavered, he was deathly pale, and Draco feared Harry would break if he didn't calm down.

"Harry, please. You aren't well." He said. "Sit and try to calm down." Harry growled.

"Don't tell me to calm down! How can I calm down when my life is about to be ruined?!" Draco suddenly paled when huge pain flared in his chest. "You don't love me! How can you want to marry me when you know nothing about me and when you don't love me!"

"Because I know you're a good man. I know that you're kind and loving and that you have a heart of gold." Draco blurted out and Harry snorted. He turned on his heel and started to pace the room. "Harry, please take a seat. We need to talk calmly about this. You _know_ you can't avoid this. Allow me to help you. I _can_ take care of you. I can make sure everything turns out alright. You just need to let me help you." Harry tossed him a glance and continued pacing.

"I can't do this." Harry rasped out and moved towards the door. "I just can't-…"

"Harry, stop." The raven haired man tensed up when Draco grabbed his hand and stopped him from running out of the room. "You and I both know that we don't have a choice."

"There is _always_ another choice." Harry hissed and ripped his hand from Draco's firm grasp. Draco's guts sank when Harry walked away from him. "I just don't understand _why_, Draco?!" He cried out and turned to face the Slytherin.

"Because you are the bravest man I know. You are brave, kind-hearted and simply _good_. You saved as many people as you can. You fought and sacrificed _everything_, Harry. You deserve _peace._" Harry's expression was unreadable. Draco didn't know what to say to make Harry believe him. He didn't know what to say to him to make him relax and allow him close.

He didn't know how to approach the Savior.

"Why are you doing this, Draco?" Harry rasped out. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Draco swallowed over a lump and fisted his hands by his side.

"Because you've been brave for long enough." Harry snorted and bowed his head. His bangs cast shadows over his eyes, but they couldn't hide the self depreciating smile on Harry's lips.

"I'm a coward!" Harry rasped out. "I'm nothing but a pitiful coward." Draco was by Harry's side in a matter of seconds. Harry gasped when Draco grasped his elbows in his hands and looked up, shock and fear shining in his eyes.

* * *

_**Desperate I will crawl; waiting for so long.  
No love – there is no love.**_

* * *

"I don't want to hear you speak like that about yourself, do you hear me?" Draco spoke lowly. "You are the kindest, bravest person I know." He spoke.

"Why are you doing this? You've only ever hated me."

"I never hated you." Draco said and Harry pushed himself away from him.

"You _always_ hated me!"

"I was jealous of you!" Draco roared and Harry looked at him wide eyed. "I was jealous of your strength, the way you always managed to stay true to yourself no matter _what_ happened."

"I'm not-…"

"You are, Harry." Draco insisted. "You are." Harry snorted and Draco sighed.

"I don't want to trap you, Harry. I don't want to hurt you. I - I _care_ about you." Harry snorted and shook his head.

"Stop this, Draco. Please." Harry raised his head and Draco's guts turned when he saw the tears gathering in Harry's eyes. "Please. I can't do this. I thought I could, but I-…"

"Harry?" Draco breathed out when he heard Harry's breath hitch in his throat and saw him sway in his place. "Harry!" he ran forward and caught the smaller man before he hit the ground.

"Dobby!" he snapped and the house-elf appeared in the room a second later.

"Harry Potter, sir!"

"Don't panic! Bring me a wet, cold towel and a glass of water." He instructed and picked Harry up in his strong arms. He carried him over to the couch and lay him down before he kneeled beside him. He gently brushed his fingers over Harry's forehead and the smaller man moaned.

Dobby popped back in with a glass of water and a basin with a few towels dipped in the water. He placed it on the table and stepped back.

"What is wrong with Harry Potter?" he asked as Draco took a towel and squeezed the water out.

"Stress, Dobby. Did he eat anything today?" Draco wiped Harry's forehead with the towel and brushed his bangs back, revealing the faded lightning bolt scar on his forehead.

"No, Lord Malfoy sir. Dobby tried to make him eat yesterday night and this morning but Harry Potter sir couldn't eat, Lord Malfoy sir. He said he was too nervous about seeing you." Draco cursed under his breath.

"I'll call you if I need anything." Dobby nodded and popped out of the room.

"Damn it, Potter. You never _could_ take care of yourself." Draco muttered and gently pressed the towel against Harry's slightly rosy cheeks and forehead.

Harry moaned and frowned.

"That's it. Wake up, Harry. That's it." Draco whispered and felt his heart constrict when those emerald eyes opened to look at him in confusion.

"Draco?" Harry rasped out and tried to sit up only to have Draco put his hand on Harry chest to stop him.

"Easy. You fainted." He said. "Why didn't you eat anything?" Harry frowned and sighed when Draco placed the towel on his forehead. 'His head must be splitting.' He thought when Harry moaned slightly.

"I-I couldn't; too nervous." Harry muttered and Draco snorted lightly.

"This is what I've been talking about. You need someone who'll remind you of your own health from time to time since Granger and Weasley can't be here all the time." Harry opened his eyes weakly and looked at Draco.

"Why are you doing this, Draco?" Harry whispered.

"I told you; I want to take care of you." He said and Harry frowned.

"What when you tire of it? Will you leave me too?" Harry asked and Draco frowned.

"Did the one you love leave you? Is that why you can't accept me?" Draco asked and Harry's breath hitched in his throat.

"The one I love?"

Draco sighed when he noticed Harry looking everywhere but at him. He took a moment to dip the towel into the water and squeeze the excess water out as to buy himself the time to clear his thoughts.

"Blaise heard you during the war." He murmured. "He didn't hear the whole conversation but he _did_ hear that you're in love with someone." He placed the towel on Harry's burning forehead and caught him diverting his eyes away from him.

"Maybe it's good he didn't hear the whole conversation." Harry whispered and Draco swallowed over a lump in his throat.

"So, did he?" Draco asked and Harry sighed and looked at the ceiling.

"No. Maybe it wouldn't be this hard if he did. Maybe it wouldn't be this hard if he loved me as well." Draco frowned.

"Who is he?" He asked. "I can't think of anyone who wouldn't love you back." Harry snorted and looked at Draco making the Slytherin swallow over a lump in his throat at the look in Harry's eyes.

"Do you really think so, Draco? Because I can think of a man that could never love me the way I love him." Harry said and Draco frowned. 'Maybe I really don't have a chance.'

"Is he a Pureblood?" Draco asked and Harry chuckled.

"Yeah."

"So? There wouldn't be a problem with you being with him." Draco said.

"No. But the fact is that he could never love me. Even though he promises to care about me and for me; even though he said that he wants to be by my side. I don't know if I can let him." Harry said and Draco frowned in confusion.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to straddle him with my emotions. He would probably think my love to be silly." Harry said.

"Your love could never be silly, Harry." Draco said even though his heart was hurting. 'Is this what it means to give up on someone? Maybe I-maybe I really do love him?' He thought and even though it hurt, he felt good; he felt really good. "Whoever you love should consider himself the luckiest man on Earth." He said and Harry looked into his eyes.

* * *

**Something's just about to break.**

* * *

"Do you really think that?" Harry asked and Draco gave him a weak smile.

"If they don't love you, they don't deserve your love." His voice broke. His breath hitched in his throat when Harry reached up and gently brushed a lock of hair away from Draco's eyes with his small, warm hand.

"If I let you, would you love me?" Harry whispered and Draco felt like someone kicked the air out of his lungs.

"Are you-…"

"What if you were the man I was talking about?" Harry asked and with every word Draco felt like huge pieces of a mountain were falling off his shoulders. "What if you were the one I l-…" without a thought Draco leaned forward and kissed Harry smack on the lips, shutting the smaller man up.

He moaned when he tasted Harry for the first time.

Harry moaned and Draco felt Harry's hand fist in the sleeve of his shirt. Harry's mouth opened invitingly and Draco leaned closer, leaning his elbow beside Harry's head and placing his other hand possessively on Harry's hip, squeezing lightly.

They parted, both breathless.

"Forever. Forever if you let me." Draco spoke, his words sounding like an oath. Harry let go of a shivering breath, his eyes shining whether from the fever or from something else, Draco didn't know. All he knew was that Harry's eyes were shining brightly and that he never felt better.

"Even if I do something stupid?" Harry asked.

"I'll always be there to help you; whatever you do." Harry swallowed over a lump and reached up with his free hand to cup Draco's cheek.

"Why?" He asked. "Why would you do this?" Draco leaned forward and kissed Harry again.

"Because I want you. Because I know my place is beside you; I just know that." He spoke against Harry's lips and felt the smaller man shiver.

"Even if I come with a lot of baggage?" he asked and Draco chuckled against Harry's lips.

"We'll sort through it together. I have my own fair share of baggage to sort through." He said and felt Harry's hand, which was still fisted in his shirt ease. A shiver shook his body when Harry wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his face in Draco's neck.

"Can I find my place beside you?" Harry whispered and Draco wrapped his arms around Harry. He sat down on the couch, holding Harry close.

"You'll always have it, my Harry; my lion." Draco spoke and felt Harry hug him tighter.

"Then let me stay like this." Harry whispered. "Let me stay like this forever." Draco smiled and nodded against Harry's head.

"You can stay for as long as you want."

* * *

_**I still try to find my place in the Diary off Jane.**_

* * *

**THE END**

**Is it worth a review? I'll give you cake! :D**


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